Dramatic DDT

DDT “TODEN PRO WRESTLING”, 29/06/2024
Tokyo Sakura Tram (Toden Arakawa Line)
16 Fans – Super No Vacancy Full House

-. Iron Man Heavymetalweight Title: Towel defeated Unagi Sayaka (c) with a Sleeper Hold (10:19am).
*Towel becomes the 1,656th champion.
-. Iron Man Heavymetalweight Title: Sugichan defeated Towel (c) by Pinfall (10:27am).
*Sugichan becomes the 1,657th champion.
-. Iron Man Heavymetalweight Title: Towel defeated Sugichan (c) with the Sleeper Hold (10:28am).
*Towel becomes the 1,658th champion.
-. Iron Man Heavymetalweight Title: Funky Kato defeated Towel (c) by Pinfall (10:52am).
*Funky Kato becomes the 1,659th champion.
1. Falls Count Anywhere Match: Minoru Suzuki defeated Sanshiro Takagi with the Gotch-Style Piledriver (55:07).

The never ending war between Sanshiro Takagi and Minoru Suzuki must have the most unique list of locations in pro wrestling. They have fought each other in Budokan Hall, the Tokyo Dome, the Shinkansen bullet train and now the humble Sakura Tram on the Toden Arakawa Line. The latest chapter of this rivalry was put together by DDT and the Tokyo Metropolitan Bureau of Transportation. It would be Takagi’s last chance at finally beating Suzuki before he takes an indefinite break as a pro wrestler on 21st July to focus on managing DDT behind the scenes.

The starting point was at Arakawa-shakomae Station. There both wrestlers made their entrance outdoors for the 16 passengers who won successfully got tickets to see the match. Then Shinichiro Kawamatsu showed up accompanied by the current Tokyo governor Yuriko Koike. This was especially newsworthy because the Tokyo gubernatorial election is taking place soon and Koike has mostly avoided making public appearances during her campaign, citing a busy schedule as her reason. This is the same election that has gone viral on social media for the high amount of the bizarre candidates involved, some being there to take advantage of equal media coverage to say and do whatever they want. I guess the best comparison I could make to another part of the world is imagine what would happen if the BBC had to give the Monster Raving Loony Party the same amount of coverage as they do for the major political parties in the UK. So this match ended up becoming part of someone’s political campaign, which I feel kind of iffy about.

The two politicians boarded the tram along with everyone else to witness the start of the match. It began slow with Takagi and Suzuki both taking a feeling out process. Takagi put Suzuki in a Headlock and encouraged Koike to throw a Chop at Suzuki’s chest. Then when Suzuki put Takagi in a Neck Lock, Takagi reached out to hold Koike’s hand which the referee decided counts as a rope break. Koike then Chopped both wrestlers before exiting the tram at Kodai Station.

Now that the governor was gone, Takagi and Suzuki agreed they could go do whatever they want. The fighting became more aggressive and they also interacted more with the passengers. When the tram arrived at Miyanomae Station everyone was in for a surprise. Sayaka Unagi stepped on board carrying all of her championships including the Iron Man Heavymetalweight Title!

Unagi took Takagi’s side and the two of them attacked Suzuki with a large rubber band. Suzuki continued to fight a 2-on-1 advantage until the tram arrived at Kumanomae Station. There he received reinforcements when Hikaru Sato stepped into the tram!

Soon Suzuki had the numbers advantage when Seigo Tachibana showed up at the Higashi-ogu-sanchome Station. But when he said he was here to mug people, Kawamatsu refused to stand by and do nothing. The politician joined Takagi’s side and now the match turned into a 3-on-3 fight on board! During the chaos Suzuki’s Towel won the Iron Man Title when Suzuki used it to choke Unagi into submission.

It became such a crazy situation that a policeman was waiting for them at Machiya-nichome Station. That policeman was Takayuki Ueki. However he lost his cool when someone pointed out he is a cop from Kanagawa which means he should have no power over here. Ueki threatened everyone on board with his pistol but suddenly cowered when Suzuki confronted him. Suzuki then grabbed the pistol and shot Ueki with it! With the situation now under control, Ueki’s body was dropped off at Arakawa-nanachome Station.

The next person to show up was a comedian named Sugichan. He performed a comedy skit and then pinned Suzuki’s towel to win the Iron Man Title! Suzuki didn’t find it funny so he choked Sugichan with the towel until he tapped out. Again the ref Daisuke Kiso decided that the towel was the new champion and not Suzuki.

The match suddenly got hijacked by MAO and Takeshi Masada at Minowabashi Station. The two young wrestlers complained that Takagi and Suzuki’s Toden Pro Wrestling was too lukewarm and declared themselves the new generation of Toden Pro Wrestling! They then started to fight each other as a demonstration until Takagi and Suzuki removed them from the tram so they could continue their own match.

At this point the tram had reached the end of the line so it began its return journey on the track. The next stop was Arakawa-itchumae Station where musician Funky Kato came on board singing the Pro Wrestling NOAH theme “VOYAGE” to advertise his new album. Suzuki forced him to also sing “Kaze Ni Nare”. Then a bunch of the wrestlers from earlier came back on board at Arakawa-nichome Station. They stayed around until the tram reached Higashi-ogu-sanchome Station. They all exited again leaving Takagi, Suzuki and Kato with the latest unexpected guest…

It was Meiko Satomura! She’s apparently still signed to WWE, you know. She approached Kato and challenged him to a battle. But it wasn’t a fight she was looking for. She wanted to prove she is a better singer than he is! She sang “Ii Hi Tabidachi” while the other wrestlers were putting each other in Sleeper Holds behind her. Satomura soon joined in. Kato then all of a sudden pinned Suzuki’s towel to win the Iron Man Title and escaped the tram at Miyanomae Station with the belt! Satomura left at the same spot.

When the tram returned to Kodai Station the station attendant stepped on board to inspect everyone’s tickets. Except it was really Jushin Liger in disguise! He got into an argument with Suzuki and hit him with the Shotei before going back to his cushy little post-retirement job.

With the journey nearing its end, Takagi declared it was now time to win by throwing a Lariat at the speed of 13.1km/h thanks to the tram’s momentum. Suzuki ducked the Lariat and grabbed Takagi in the Sleeper Hold instead. He then spun him around and dropped him on his head with the Gotch-Style Piledriver. Takagi was out after that and pinned for the three count.

After the match Takagi had a big announcement to make. He cannot beat Suzuki no matter how many times he tries so he is going to retire! He requested a 10 bell salute only to give Suzuki a Stunner in the middle of it. He was just lying to get the last laugh! Suzuki chased Takagi away from the tram, promising not to let Takagi escape until they reach the ends of Hell!